There are many times when I feel I have failed Ethan, by the habit of parenting hearing children. I forget he is deaf. When is wearing his CI's he is part of everything. He knows how to assert himself if he is not understanding something, and he is a leader by nature which typically keeps him on top of things.
Every so often he looks into my eyes with such confusion and hurt and it dawns on me that I forgot in that moment that he is deaf. I have a habit of moving kids from one area of the house to the next, along with me. Although Ethan is very efficient with his CI's there are many times if I don't have his attention that he is not tuned in. He may be in deep creative thought building with Lego's or playing with his toys and even though he has an implant he still has the ability to tune out. Selective hearing can happen even with deaf kids.
This morning he had this look of your forgot about me. Okay he didn't just have that look he said it and he was right. I expected that he could follow us into the next event and he didn't. Which in my habit of parenting is no big deal, but it's a big deal to Ethan. I forget that he is limited in distance with his CI's. He can hear me easily from his bedroom upstairs, but if the door is halfway closed he can't hear me calling from downstairs.
I know I will not get it every single time, but the times that I don't it is typically related to how I parent hearing children and expect Ethan to seamlessly pass through with what is going on. It's a habit with having four hearing kids.
These thoughts area all kind of jumbled, but it made me sad to think of how it must feel for Ethan. Working on those habits of rambling with the expectation that everyone has their ears on.
2 comments:
I recognise what you are saying.
We are fortunate to have a deaf child that can hear. And hear so well, that we forget about the deafness.
I'm glad to see that he spoke out. And even though we - the parents - have a lot to learn, so does the child. And - he's learning.
I have been, and will be again in the same spot as you are.
But remember another thing; the same will happen with the other children. They might feel left out because of attention to the others. In fact, it's part of daily life I guess..
Again, think of how he was strong enough to tell you. That's a great asset to take with him in the real world.
I hope Lotte will do the same to me, to us. It might hurt at first, but it shows great character.
Elizabeth,
This post touched my heart. . .I know how he feels. But he will overcome that and find ways to compensate. My biggest problem was that I was in denial for a long time with my hearing loss and didn't want people to know. And I would "fake" it even though I didn't get the message or understand what was going on. I finally realized that people want to help and if they know how to help, they are more sensitive and understanding to special needs and requests. For example, I would always say, "please look at me when you talk so I can read your lips," or "I can't understand you when you have gum in your mouth" etc. etc. etc.
Hang in there. I know you are doing the best for your child. Like Cloggy said, even normal people feel left out sometimes, not just those who can't hear.
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