An A+ day for Ethan....

For many months, even years now I have understood the anger outbursts from Ethan. The outbursts of frustration. Basically during that fragile language developmental time he was deaf and his only form of communication was pitching fits at the top of his lungs. These have became less and and less, but even so, we have been working hard on Ethan truly getting a hold of new ideas on dealing with his emotions and ditching the old.

I have had countless days of not knowing what to do, or how best to help him along. I guess I adopted the passage of scripture in Galatians that speaks about the fruit of the spirits. It goes like this:

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

There is not one disclaimer to this passage. Meaning, okay if you are deaf and have problems just dismiss your behaviors and act however you want. I have never dismissed in my hearing children behaviors due to temperament. We are all called to be nice as stated in Galatians. So with that we have been working with Ethan in his attitudes, and his behaviors. Asking him, when a melt down is coming if he is being patient, kind, gentle...etc. etc.

At least once a day often more times than that we will have some kind of issue. This entire week has been a crossing the bridge point for him. He has caught himself about to blow steam, and changing the outcome on his own in a positive manner. I mean in his first breath, realizing he has options for his little life. Making very good choices with how he behaves. All week I have been praising him, thanking him, and encouraging him. He knows he is happier and feeling more in control of his life. He's only six. Some of us don't get that long into adulthood.

Yesterday when he was getting his jammies on, he said..."mommy I have had a really good day today". So I said.."yes you have lets see what made it so good". So together we took inventory and I said "Ethan you have had more than a good day, you have had an A+ day.

Here is what an A+ day looks like for Ethan.

AM
-getting dressed for school on his own,
-eating breakfast without complaining about food choices
-brushing his teeth without being asked.
-Not whining when I say there are only 15 minutes of play before school, but instead saying "okay mommy" and then without any fuss heading to the car without complaint.
PM
-being happy about decisions for how time will be spent after school.
-reciting scripture to his teacher, a week before he has to, for school (Ephesians 6: 10-17)
-eating all his dinner without complaint or whining.
-helping little brothers with Lego's' playing nice with them, and coming to me when being mistreated, rather than taking matters into his own hands...literally.
-reading the entire Green Egg and Ham book without complaining it's too much
-having a true quiet time before bed

Really, this is an A+ day for most kids, but for Ethan even more. He has crossed a bridge this week and my heart just shines with joy in knowing that he is coming along as a deaf kid with the ability to hear with these amazing cochlear implants.

P.S. He did not throw a fit when I chose not to follow the fire engine in the parking lot of the grocery store. He ever so nicely said "mom that makes me feel a little mad". Then in the grocery store we bumped into three fire fighters who took time to answer the questions of all the boys. Twice Eric said to the fire fighter that his brother is deaf, and Ethan said "yes I am deaf, but these things help me hear just fine". I Love being on the sidelines of these conversations.

True Confessions....

Ethan has had implants now since he was just about three years old. He is now 6 1/2. Yesterday for the first time ever I went through all the stuff you get when your child is implanted. All the gizmo's, gadgets, and well did I get a good lesson. Ethan worked alongside me as we placed all the parts in a clear plastic sorter, so it's easier to find pieces and reorder what we need.

I have never used the headphones and really have not ever had the need. It was pretty cool. Ethan has had some malfunctioning and it was time I learn what to do. I was able to replace just the magnet for the coil, which I was able to take out of a defective coil from months back. We have been very fortunate with our experience with Cochlear. Aside from an internal failure which resulted in an explant and then a new implant, the devices have held up really well. Especially for an active boy.

I have just learned how to lock the system so Ethan can not change any of the programs. Which was also creating some problems for him. It was sure nice to read from cover to cover the imformation books, and well I must say I feel a little silly.

When Ethan was implanted we saw and heard immediate results. I was always going to get around to reading all the information. My husband works at the hospital where Ethan is seen, so if there was a problem, my husband would email the dr. and walk over to his office to get a replacement or a repair. This of course required little knowledge or work on my end, and it's been easy. It still is, but it's nice to know how everything works.

Ethan, Am I too hard on him?

Am I too hard on Ethan? I often sit and wonder if I am just too hard on him. Earlier, when Ethan was diagnosed as being bilaterally profoundly deaf I was all consumed in reading the reports, the statistics, the options and became so overwhelmed. I wanted to know everything there was to know, and realized that there were many different options and journeys in educating and teaching Ethan.

I looked at this little boy as a baby figuring out how his toys worked. I watched him struggle so hard to communicate. When he was two years old we had come back from one of my attempts to take him out and about town. He had no words, no signs and outings were filled with yelling, screaming and tantrums on his part. Eric was a newborn, so outings were few and between.

We came home and I tried to nurse Eric. Ethan just stood at the front door screaming at the top of his lungs and banging on the door, fighting to get his coat and shoes back on. I just cried as I tried to nurse my newborn. I called my husband, most likely for the 10th time that day; like I always did crying and saying that I can not handle this. I just can’t deal with Ethan. I want to talk with him, and help him. What can my husband really do but listen and he always did. On this particular day I had no energy left. It was nap time and he flat out refused to stay in his bed. He kept screaming to go out the front door. I was trying to keep Eric asleep, but often Eric’s sleep was disturbed by his screaming brother. I needed to rest myself and weariness was my middle name. After almost an hour of Ethan screaming to get out the front door I gave in. I put Eric in the front pack, got shoes, coat and headed out the door. Ethan went over to the car and banged on the door. I had no fight left and decided if all that fuss was for a car ride then fine. I opened his door. He stopped crying, crawled in, picked up a small helicopter, walked inside the house and went to his bed. All he wanted was his helicopter for his nap time. I could not understand his simple little need to have his helicopter. My heart just broke into pieces. But something happened in my heart that day.

This little boy has fight and determination in him that will not give up. I challenge and raise the bar for him which he meets with determination. I am very hard on Ethan and have expectations beyond what is expected for him by others. I know I get rolled eyes, and questioned over his process. I see his confidence grow each time he is met with a frustrating challenge and wants to give in or give up and I say no. He continues and finds himself more accomplished.

I have much respect for those who work in the area of deaf and hard of hearing, but I have been very surprised at how low the bar and expectations are for deaf and hard of hearing children.

Perhaps it has been the alarming statistics that I have vowed not to have Ethan become a part of. Instead he is just amazing and a challenge and a fighter. Compared to the rest of his life, my time with him is short and I want to make the best of all he can be. Knowing full well he is capable of so much. So perhaps I am a bit hard on him. At the end of the day he is a very loving kind hearted boy who till wants me in his space, so he gets it.