Ethan, Am I too hard on him?

Am I too hard on Ethan? I often sit and wonder if I am just too hard on him. Earlier, when Ethan was diagnosed as being bilaterally profoundly deaf I was all consumed in reading the reports, the statistics, the options and became so overwhelmed. I wanted to know everything there was to know, and realized that there were many different options and journeys in educating and teaching Ethan.

I looked at this little boy as a baby figuring out how his toys worked. I watched him struggle so hard to communicate. When he was two years old we had come back from one of my attempts to take him out and about town. He had no words, no signs and outings were filled with yelling, screaming and tantrums on his part. Eric was a newborn, so outings were few and between.

We came home and I tried to nurse Eric. Ethan just stood at the front door screaming at the top of his lungs and banging on the door, fighting to get his coat and shoes back on. I just cried as I tried to nurse my newborn. I called my husband, most likely for the 10th time that day; like I always did crying and saying that I can not handle this. I just can’t deal with Ethan. I want to talk with him, and help him. What can my husband really do but listen and he always did. On this particular day I had no energy left. It was nap time and he flat out refused to stay in his bed. He kept screaming to go out the front door. I was trying to keep Eric asleep, but often Eric’s sleep was disturbed by his screaming brother. I needed to rest myself and weariness was my middle name. After almost an hour of Ethan screaming to get out the front door I gave in. I put Eric in the front pack, got shoes, coat and headed out the door. Ethan went over to the car and banged on the door. I had no fight left and decided if all that fuss was for a car ride then fine. I opened his door. He stopped crying, crawled in, picked up a small helicopter, walked inside the house and went to his bed. All he wanted was his helicopter for his nap time. I could not understand his simple little need to have his helicopter. My heart just broke into pieces. But something happened in my heart that day.

This little boy has fight and determination in him that will not give up. I challenge and raise the bar for him which he meets with determination. I am very hard on Ethan and have expectations beyond what is expected for him by others. I know I get rolled eyes, and questioned over his process. I see his confidence grow each time he is met with a frustrating challenge and wants to give in or give up and I say no. He continues and finds himself more accomplished.

I have much respect for those who work in the area of deaf and hard of hearing, but I have been very surprised at how low the bar and expectations are for deaf and hard of hearing children.

Perhaps it has been the alarming statistics that I have vowed not to have Ethan become a part of. Instead he is just amazing and a challenge and a fighter. Compared to the rest of his life, my time with him is short and I want to make the best of all he can be. Knowing full well he is capable of so much. So perhaps I am a bit hard on him. At the end of the day he is a very loving kind hearted boy who till wants me in his space, so he gets it.

My amazing boy

I was thinking today how Ethan is a typical almost six year old boy. (in a week he will be six). I am on a CI loop and few emails have been tossed around the word "normal". Is Ethan a "normal" kid? None of my children are normal or typical for that matter. They are each extraordinary. When I realized Ethan was deaf and the statistics posted below normal standards I knew where my challenge would be. How to grow Ethan in a world of being deaf, but still being able to see all the potential for extraordinary. I knew he was a problem solver, long before I knew he was deaf.



He would figure things out. Some babies get stuck and start to cry or whine for help, but not Ethan, he would wiggle, observe, and figure out how to get out of a bind. As early as eight months when he was an experienced crawler I could see his determination to figure things out on his own. Around ten months I put him at the top of the staircase, to see if he would bull doze over the edge. Nope, not Ethan. He carefully surveyed the land, backed away, and new his limits. He was taught very early to go down the stairs backwards. Okay this may all sound normal, but for our normal in our family this is truly extraordinary.



Ethan has never allowed his handicap, being deaf, to prevent him from figuring out what he wanted to know more of. This has amazed me in his process of learning to speak, read, and ask questions over and over about everything he hears. He wants to be in the know, and he gets when he is not and will push to know.





His cochlear implant has connected him to the same world that I am connected to and he appreciates being part of our world. He knew at three that his world was not the same. He knew, before his implant that he was missing out on things he should not miss out on. Getting his Cochlear Implant has amazed all of us. Ethan is so not normal, but he is amazing in every single way. Just as my other four children are.



Does living in a non-hearing world mean that he would have missed on on much. Absolutely!! Many will argue this to not be the case, how can I know as I am not deaf. But a deaf person's normal is very different from a hearing person's normal. And seeing the difference of who Ethan was being deaf, and who he is in a hearing world is a night and day difference. I am so blessed by his appreciation of his special ears. He knows he is deaf, and he knows he can hear with his devices on. He is just amazing and I know someday God is going to use him in huge ways.