Today He is Learning to Listen.

Sometimes life is like playing on a basketball team without knowing the rules of play.

This best describes Ethan first week at a brand new school. My heart aches to think that the only community he knew, the only school he had ever attended, and his life long friends would no longer be part of his every day. Why? We felt that for many reasons we needed a different learning structure for Ethan. Did we make the right decision? After the first day of school I cried my eyes out thinking we had not done the right thing. Not for him, but for my own heart. I did not know anyone. I do not know what protocol is, so how can I begin to direct Ethan. Starting in 4th grade at a new school. A school when most kids have hung together already for four years, know the rules of play, and no thought that this new kid might not know.

So began a very challenging week for Ethan. Each day he reported his struggles. His first words in the car after his first day is "mom the teacher talks to fast, and to soft I can't understand him." Each morning I went in to speak with his teacher. Trying my best not to have my tears start to pour. There are differences so extreme from one school to the next.

At the old school, each child was taught the concepts one on one. The student then working through a book to reinforce the concepts learned. Each child sat at their own private cubby, with dividers that kept them from being distracted by other students. The new school is the teacher teaching the class as a whole. Thus for the first time, Ethan has to pay attention to what is being spoken by the teacher at all times. Otherwise he will miss something or everything. There are large tables with about six kids to a table, all within reach.

At the old school the teachers filled out homework slips, with books to be worked in and page numbers. This slip is to be signed by a parent each time there is homework. At the new school Ethan is to take note of homework written on the board each day. The teacher is not going to check if you have your homework written down, nor does he care if a parent has signed a slip. It's Ethan's job to note his homework, complete it and turn it in.

The new school and teacher have been very gracious with my phone calls, my questions, and then me having to learn what protocol is so I can work with Ethan to develop habits and routines. His teacher even took an after hour phone call for me to speak about how the textbooks read and what the expectations are.

Ethan has always been an "A" student in all his subjects. Always on the Honor Roll. He takes his lack of understanding so serious and it is clear he is very willing to push through these challenges. I appreciate this about his character to want to do well, and not just sitting and wondering what is going on. He gets that he does not get it and speaks about it. This afternoon his teacher came up to my car to check in. He is committed to walking Ethan through every single step, by checking in with Ethan, the progress of his learning from moment to moment for next week.

A child's progress is measured by turned in homework assignments, well written reports, test scores, and attention to the requirements in class each day. Very easy to do when you came from a class of only 8 students, and a one on one learning style.

Today he has a smiley face sticker on his shirt. I asked him where he got that. He said, "my teacher gave it to me for doing a good job on my math.". Math? The most complex of learning and listening in this kind of classroom room structure and Ethan did a good job? My heart melted.

Why did we move him? Like I wrote earlier there are many reasons, but one that was high on our list of reasons is the manner in which he is learning will not be consistent with the public schools. Right now we have the blessing of affording private school. His old school is very unique in it's teaching style and one I have favored with hearing children. However, as Ethan gets older he must learn now how to function in open classroom teaching. Consistent with what junior high or high school will be like,and then on into college. We felt that Ethan is smart enough, takes his learning very serious, that moving into this learning structure would be a bit of a struggle at first, but he would learn how to adapt. Adapting without a FM system. Something he has never had. Ethan learning how to be actively paying attention at all times for success in his understanding and learning.

Today is Friday and he got a smiley face sticker for doing well on his math. It's a big faith building moment for my mommy heart. It's a start in the right direction. Truth be known I desperately wanted to sit in on class time, an option that I have, and hand hold Ethan through this first week. I chose not to. I made the decision that if I am not going to be in class, and never have been in class other than parent helping, this week would not be any different. I have seen Ethan's confidence grow a little each day. Something that would have been hindered if I sat in the shadows of his teacher. He is learning what the process is for each day. What he needs to do to gain understanding. Even with my hearing children I have always said, "be the first one to ask questions when you don't know the answers or the expectations." Ethan tends to be a bit shy with new adults in his life. It won't take long for this new teacher to be inundated with many questions from this young man.

It has been a week, very challenging on my emotions, but I see God's hand over Ethan's education. Thank you Lord for a school with such wonderful, caring teachers. We will miss our other school with equally loving and caring teachers, and see now at the end of our first week, that truly this was a very good decision for Ethan's long term academic success. It is very hard with a deaf child to truly know if the decisions we make are the best. Goodness that goes for hearing children too. I stand in awe to see how God orchestrated this transition with things unseen that I now understand. There may be more days of struggle, strengthening, and Ethan working the hardest to follow than he ever has. Someday he will be sitting in a college class with 100's of students in a large auditorium, and today he is learning to listen.

Ethan Update

Ethan has just turned nine years old. It is hard to believe that only five years ago, we crossed our fingers when he was first being activated with his first CI. Would it work? Would he learn? Will he be able to understand spoken language? All these questions, all these concerns have matured into this terrific young man.

We had an airplane party. He loves airplanes and has hopes to someday be a pilot. He is still figuring out how to build all his models and with some help from the parental figures he may get them done soon.

Ethan continues to excel in a small private school. No FM, no therapy, no special services. He shows up on time for school each day and completes his work on time. He wrote his first book report about two weeks ago and brought home an "A" on his first written book report ever. He is an "A" student and loves learning, reading, and playing with his friends and brothers.

I have been challenged on occasion that I am being a dis-service to Ethan by not offering him more services. That if he had an FM he could do better, hear the teacher, understand better. There is no dis-service to this young man who excels beautifully in school. For Ethan I wanted him to really learn how to listen, and really learn how to ask questions. The same expectation I have had with my hearing children. For Ethan to have to depend on more technology only hindered him, and made him feel that much more different. As the case is with Ethan, he does not miss what the teacher is saying. If he does not understand a new learning concept he asks questions.

Ethan is also obsessed with the weather channel. A few months back a local weather man came to visit the school. He had many questions. One visit was not enough. I contacted this local news station and asked if Ethan could possibly watch the news, particularly watch the weather report delivered. Not only did he get to watch he got to shadow the weather guy. Standing right there with him, beside him, looking over his shoulder and during a commercial break Ethan got to deliver his version of the weather which I video taped. Here is fantastic picture of Ethan with the weather guy. Notice their matching clothes. This was NOT planned.

It is so hard to not shout from the mountain tops how very blessed Ethan's life is in a hearing world. He gets that he is deaf. He knows it and we know it but in the same way I can clearly see this screen with my glasses, Ethan can clearly hear with CI's. A blessing that everyday I am thankful for.

bye bye summer

Ethan is happiest when running free on the beach. I wonder what it must feel like for him to run free with no sounds of the ocean turning? He knows what the ocean sounds like, as he does wear his ears while we set up our beach blankets, but then they come off and he runs. He will keep running for hours until it's time to come in, sit, settle and get ready to go.

Summer was so much fun this year. I planned nothing and did about everything. We have become experts, even Ethan, at charging his ears before going into an eventful evening. There was not much structure and very little we had to get done. I am planning the rest of my summer's this way.

Now school has started. I am coaching Ethan's soccer team and he is a player, not my kid when out on the field. He is fast and can get to the ball. I have to laugh and please don't be offended, but he does have trouble follow the plays of the game. Such as a direct kick. The ref. was trying to explain to him, and I did let the ref. know his condition and why Ethan wears a hooded coat under his uniform, but even then Ethan still has some trouble following. This will come as he learns more of the game. This is his first year playing. I love watching the other kids coach him on the field and helping him out.

Ethan is now in 3rd grade and watching the life of this deaf boy unfold is something I smile over every single day.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

Ethan has developed a habit. The habit of saying "what". Is it really a habit or is he really not hearing the first time around what the other person is saying. I have been feeding into his "what" for several months now in that I did not even realize just how I was feeding this habit.

If I am being honest it is very irritating to keep repeating myself and then it dawned on my this past week that it is truly a habit that needs to be broken. We were in the car coming home from school on Wednesday. With 3-5 kids, on average, in the car it gets pretty hectic with conversations all over the place, and I never noticed just how much Ethan says "what" and we all respond appropriately by repeating ourselves. On Wednesday there were just two kids in the car, Ethan being one of them. The conversation was just the two talking about this and that. Ethan would speak, or ask a question and in the same breath always added "what" before a response.

I sat for a while just listening and realized Eric kept having to repeat EVERYTHING he said, based on Ethan's constant "what". I stopped the chit-chat and told Ethan to stop saying "what". He said he could not stop it, as it reminds people that it takes him longer to understand. I asked if he said "what" to his teacher all day, to which he replied "no". I said you can't add "what" to the end of every sentence and the he has to wait until the other person answers. He said "oh is that how it works". I just chuckled, because this "what" word truly had become a habit. Now in the past few days, he is thinking, asking questions and waiting for answers and hearing with no problem the answers. His "what" use is down about 80% and every once in a while he catches himself.

I think it's funny the little things we discover and work through with our deaf implanted children. I have written out on his phone number listen specific questions he can be asking people on the phone to make the conversation flow. It is helpful to him, and none of the questions are followed by a "what". Oh the joys of raising a deaf kid with implants.

I am the only mommy who gets weepy with each passing grade? Each time Ethan comes to the end of a school year I cry thinking about him while driving down the street. It is not a hormonal imbalance of any kind, this I am certain of. I just know the work that got him here. I know the hours of flash cards and saying "Ethan this is a bear" now you say it. Working for articulation, working to teach him to express himself. And now he is ending second grade strong. Reading at a 3rd grade level and knowing his passions for reading, writing and learning. He has learned the value of reading this year. The value of that "fact" book that he can now explore for hours on his own and he does. His passions vary. He loves geography and last week he asked Emily and me to name the capitals if we named the states. We looked at each other and laughed because right there we knew he knew more than we knew and it would be easier for us to name the states and have him say the capitals, which he did.

So for all of our kids who are progressing well, congratulations for all the hard work. Congratulations to those kids who are moving to the next grade, and to each person who works so hard to make it happen for your child.

Darn Those Things

Ethan dropped his ear piece on our tile bathroom floor. The kid runs, wrestles, is very active and protects his processors with his life and then a fluke just before bed drops one. It is not working. We took it to our specialist who pronounced it dead on arrival.

We had not purchased the warranty through Cochlear so we thought we'd be forking out a couple thousand to replace this. He needs both processors. After much exploration,my husband learned that we could purchase the warranty plan and only pay $144.00 a month to insure both processors. So that is all we had to pay and then each month a nice little payment of insurance. Darn those things.

Just Plugging Along

Is my deaf son really turning eight this month? He looks at the calendar every day since April started to let me know how many more days. He has decided to NOT have a friends party this year. I offered a plane ride as a second option and it won out to having a big party.

Ethan is in love with planes. Reading everything he can about planes, drawing pictures, and talking with the pilots down at the local airstrip. He is an amazing kid and I can't express how this kid just gets life around him.

He is about to finish up second grade this spring and is well on his way to 3rd grade. Already reading at a 3rd grade level and pushing himself now at the piano. He just plugs along in a our large family and recently has become the big brother to a little puppy named Eddie.

Learning how to care for a pet is a huge thing for a kid. They are not stuffed animals, need to be taken potty, and fed. He is learning along with his brothers.

I want to address something important here about Ethan. There were many frustrations, anger, outbursts physically, challenges of the will etc with Ethan in his earlier years. Behaviors that were given names and labels. Behaviors that if diagnosed and the parent accepts puts a child into the system allowing more government funding for your child. I stand, mostly alone on this topic, but still speak boldly.

Had I followed the council and advice of the specialists involved in Ethan's life things would be a lot different for him. He only had a 3 year 6 month vocabulary at 5 years old. He was hard to understand and he had trouble articulating. This angered him and produced behaviors that were then labeled as well. Had I started him in public school with the wonderful government funding and services my child would have been in "special ed". There is a time and a place for "special ed" but not for my child.

I knew that Ethan had every right to be angry, and did not have the tools to understand his anger. Anger was still not going to be tolerated and he was taught how to use his anger in constructive ways. He was diagnosed as "oppositional disorder" and I was shown how to work with this kind of child. I had to laugh. The teaching was how to continue Ethan to have these behaviors because it IS a clinical disorder, his wiring. I never went back.

Ethan started Kindergarten in a private school with no special services. Guess what they even let him be part of the complete classroom structure. Ethan learned how to use his words, how to read, how to have self-control. All these disorders which would have easily followed him, and follow many kids because they are allowed to have behaviors that a text book defines. So sad to think. I know I may make some people a little upset in reading this, but if a behavior is not consistent in every element of life it's NOT a DISORDER. Children are brilliant. Even the deaf ones with limited communication skills.

Show them more, expect more and watch your child become more. As long as the government has your kid in the system the specialist are paid more for the less your child does. Your child's "less" allows him to stay in the system.

I sat in a session for parents of deaf children a couple of years back. A parent was distraught to have her child's hearing tested to a normal level. She cried. She said that as long as her son had hearing problems the school bus would pick him up at their front door. Now he has to wait for a bus at the corner of her street.

It is no accident that Ethan has had to rise to the occasion of appropriate behaviors, expectations to do well in school, and now the esteem that he has that he can do it. If your child is deaf and you have instincts about their brilliance act on it. The government has their job, and it's not based on your kid's brilliance. You the parent must recognize this. And we continue to just plug along.